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2012 Highlights

2012 was a big, meaningful year. A lot of things I have achieved and changes I have applied into my life. From the first time I celebrated my birthday away from the country I was born and raised, the first time I strengthen my path for the choice to be a better muslimah, yeah I gotta admit hijab changed my perception towards life so much.

Other things to be highlighted... A hard goodbye for Antalya family, and recently I meet a new family in İstanbul, the first day of my university life in Marmara University, and many more.

One good news about facebook is that the timeline feature that allow us to see and review of what we have done in the past. But facebook is only a part of my smallest part of life. I have a huge regret that I didn't write my personal journal much that I thought I would. Twitter helps a lot when it comes to inner-struggle, where, that seems the only media for me to write any thoughts or feelings I couldn't spell to anybody, though. Yet again, talking about 2012 is bigger than my online agenda (of course because I surf the internet a lot. lol) or my day-dreaming activity through the days and nights.

After all, again, it's about memories and enlightening process.

Among all of the lessons I have learned each day, here are my personal 2012 highlights:

On religion:
Everybody struggles to find their most fundamental inner-peace. Not to mention that I am not a type of so-religious woman but I am willing myself that I will learn to. One beautiful thing about faith is finally you understand that no matter how hard it is to stand on (sometimes) one feet only and nobody is around to pick you up when you're about to fall, you can always rely on God. 2012 have been tough, smashing hardcore problems and all of the discomforts right to my head, yes. However the experiences tell me not to give up on praying and believing. Life is somehow designed to be lived. I believe that God creates the best paths in order to making us to reach the finish line. It's now come back to us if we want to listen or not. Take the path or have another way.

On family:
I am grateful that no one and nothing compelled me to do or to become whatever it is they wish me to, not even my parents. I truly understand that they 'program' me to have a sense of responsibility towards my own life. This is your life, the decision is in your hands, but don't leave the responsible behind. Even so, the massive distance between my family and I now, get me into an understanding. Home is family, family is home. It's painful when I'm not around in the important days while they're always on my back in any time I need it the most. Being present is the best gift you can give to someone. And in this case, my family is the greatest gift I could ask for. And I want to return it in any time I have a chance to.

On friendship:
Who doesn't agree that best friends are priceless? One good reminder from my dearest bestie, Yustina @octifanny : "Much like a (romance) relationship, friendship is also something you have to fight for." I had a hard time adapting to a new environment (in campus, İstanbul, etc). Being a minority is tough. I can't lie I'm facing (yes, until now!) a terrible insecurity that I might be rejected from the society. Taking a quote from Yustina, it makes sense that there's no point sitting down doing nothing when it comes to friendship. When you want to eat, cook something. When you want to have friends, go out, make one!

On achieving dreams and goals:
Dreams do come true. Sometimes don't. And..not being able to express yourself passionately for the feeling of achieving something you want, it does hurt. But I learn, when my goals don't come to reality doesn't mean I have to give up. If it's not the end of my life then it is not the end of my dreams. God speed!

On self-management
Sometimes I can feel that days are tend to be more inducing than exciting. Stressing than enjoying. It's a public secret that problems are crucial because it depends on how we react and handle them. I grow because of problems and thank God for that. We need to have a balance life but there is no such thing as balance all the time. Though in this part I continously learn how to manage myself at my lowest condition, one thing for sure that stress and everything about it is only a state of mind. Just like Coldplay songs, "When you get what you want but not what you need.." yep, sometimes we don't get what we want but what's worse is sometimes we get what we want and then we realize they don't bring much happiness than we guess it would. Now it's essential to understand how and why we're happy. More than that, we also need to feel fulfilled, loving, safe, satisfied, and content. After we realize what makes us feel that way, we should do 'em more often.

On goodbyes
Saying goodbye and being far away from those people whom you love and from the things you used to live with is brutal. When I had to leave high school I came to new environment (President University) and everything starts from the very beginning. Then when I finally felt really, really comfortable I had to leave President University and went to Turkey. I had a hard time in Antalya, and when I could settle down with new friends - family there I had to leave again and now I'm in İstanbul. See? The cycle goes on. People come and go. Good news is, if it's hard at the beginning then it's a good sign. Now, welcome to a new life, new family, new friends, new activity, new experience, and new you.

On life-enjoyment
I only have five sentences for this part. Live the moment. Live the moment. Live the moment. Because, the feeling of building memories and moment is...undescribable. Just be more present in the moment you are in is really the key.

On learning
In order to change the world, first we need to understand it. To understand life and every aspect of it is not easy. It doesn't have certain curriculum but the only thing required is to enjoy the process. And the process itself can never stop. I am confidence to say that to be innovative means to dedicate ourself to become more curious, seeking for the answers and ask questions. The process of learning doesn't have to be in formal education. We can also take advantage by being a smart street learner. One personal reminder, ASK WHY INSTEAD OF HOW.

On horizontal relationship
It's very important to remember that, whatever you do, whatever you achieve and whatever you are up to, there are always help from people. Maybe the help seem to be micro small that we can barely see. But think about this, even when a smile from somebody could help you get through the day, what about their presence to know that you're not alone? Their support helping you to stand? Their jokes that make you laugh? Quoting from Joseph Nye's book, "It's not how many enemies do I kill, it's how many allies do I grow".

On expectations
One big mistake I do through the year is I can't seem to put aside my life in Indonesia while I live here. Living abroad for some people who haven't experienced it yet is imaginary. The fantasy is beautiful. But wait until you're on board. Oh-ho! But now I realize that Indonesia is Indonesia and Turkey is Turkey. Expecting what I think is right to happen is useless in time and energy.

On taking chances
I'm an opportunist. With pride. It's shameful to say that I almost, always say "YES" to every offer and opportunity in front of my eyes. Haha! However, if I hadn't said YES I wouldn't have learned many things about life, and surprisingly also about myself. So, before figuring out (completely) what I really am and really want to do, I will never stop saying YES. :)

On gratitude
Sometimes people forget the small things yet sweat also the small stuffs at the same time. I believe that in every gratitude relies challenge to be faced and, in every challenge relies things to be grateful of. Gratitude is somehow the simplest way to happiness. I too, forget how it is to be grateful when things are just too stressful to be managed. One thing I do, started from the last week of December I tried to write on list 'things to be grateful today' each day on my personal journal. It's much similar to diary though. The only difference is all of the negative forces are forbidden to be written. The impact? There are hundreds of reasons to smile everyday! :)

On love
...This part is still a big mystery to be revealed. :p

I know I can never stop "starting from the zero". Whenever I think I have reached the top, there's a chance life may whisper, "let's start from the very beginning again." It's the cycle of life I can't avoid. The difference is, the weapon I bring for each cycle called experience, is always getting stronger.

Dear life, do I love you because you're beautiful, or are you beautiful because I DO love you? :)