A Metamography http://armilia.posterous.com Most recent posts at A Metamography posterous.com Mon, 28 Jan 2013 01:01:41 -0800 Untuk Orang Tua Tercinta http://armilia.posterous.com/untuk-orang-tua-tercinta http://armilia.posterous.com/untuk-orang-tua-tercinta Yaya menulis ini dengan air mata dan hati yang remuk.

Izinkan yaya memulai dengan permohonan maaf dan semoga surat ini bukan sebagai representasi berita tidak menyenangkan. Mak, pak, masih ingat akhir Oktober 2011 lalu kalian mengantar Yaya ke bandara Soekarno Hatta dengan harapan besar. Waktu itu kita sama-sama tahu bahwa gadis kecil bertubuh tidak mungil ini begitu nekad menantang gejolak hidup dan psikologis remajanya. Semoga waktu itu Yaya pergi tidak dengan arogansi, karena Yaya selalu tahu jauh di dalam hati Yaya pergi karena Mamak, Bapak, Dita dan Nasya. Masa bodoh apa tanggapan orang dan khususnya keluarga besar. Mereka tidak tahu bahwa kadang ketika kita terlalu sayang dengan hal-hal tertentu kita harus meninggalkan hal tersebut secara gagah berani demi pembuktian bahwa kasih sayang itu nyata. Maka Yaya pergi dengan niat yang tulus bukan untuk kepuasan pribadi semata.

Masih ingat waktu itu Yaya menangis?

Bukan, bukan karena hati ini sedih. Bukan juga karena emosi marah. Mungkin keduanya ada. Tapi Yaya menangis karena takut. Waktu itu Yaya sadar betapa besarnya resiko dan tanggung jawab yang Yaya emban. Yaya tahu bahwa hidup Yaya, at some points or more, akan berubah total. Maka Yaya menangis karena Yaya takut gagal. Begitu takut dan naif karena kita sama-sama tahu bahwa di hidup ini sebenarnya tidak ada yang namanya kegagalan. Namun disini yang Yaya maksud gagal adalah jika Yaya mengecewakan kalian. Sakit rasanya setiap kalian menelpon atau bertanya lewat BBM tidak ada berita bahagia yang bisa Yaya sampaikan. Maka kali ini Yaya menangis karena telah terlalu banyak berita tidak menyenangkan yang hadir di tengah kalian.

Mak, pak, Yaya senang berada disini. Sungguh. Ingat dulu Yaya pernah menunjukkan hasil psikotes dan tertulis disitu bahwa lingkungan yang paling cocok untuk Yaya adalah lingkungan yang membebaskan. Yang membebaskan untuk Yaya bisa berbicara menyampaikan pendapat. Lingkungan yang membebaskan Yaya untuk berpotensi dan berekspresi secara maksimal. Lingkungan yang dikelilingi orang-orang yang menginspirasi... Yaya dapat itu semua disini. Semua yang Yaya kenal, apalagi orang-orang Indonesia disini begitu luar biasa. Banyak kesempatan yang sudah Yaya alami, yang tidak mungkin bisa Yaya rasakan jika Yaya masih di Indonesia. Banyak senior, teman-teman dan junior yang bisa Yaya ajak berdiskusi. Perbedaan latar belakang, pengalaman dan usia yang begitu jauh menjadi sebuah platform belajar baru. Keinginan untuk sama-sama belajar dengan dosis perjuangan yang sama telah menyatukan kami dan ide-ide kami dalam perbedaan. Bahkan telah banyak dibuat program yang membuat Yaya begitu merasa hidup, sebagai obat kangen rumah dan tanah air yang paling ampuh. Maka sampaikan kepada orang-orang disana, bahwa Yaya masih belum menjadi apa-apa. Juga untuk mamak dan bapak, agar tahu bahwa gadis remaja ini masih lugu dan polos. Seperti bayi baru lahir yang sedang belajar ngomong dan berdiri. Bayi yang belajar bertindak dan berucap dari mengamati orang-orang di sekitarnya.

Pak, sebagai dosen politik tentunya sudah paham bahwa salah satu kata krusial, salah satu kata kunci di ilmu politik adalah power. Yaya mendapat sebuah metafor yang bagus tentang power. Bayangkan sebuah kereta kuda, dengan kuda yang begitu gagah dan kuat, yang dijalankan oleh orang yang begitu powerful. Bagi orang-orang yang berada di jalan yang sama, mengamati kereta kuda itu, tentunya beranggapan bahwa kereta kuda itu bisa dengan mudah melewati jalan dan mencapai tujuannya. Namun mereka, termasuk si pengendara lupa bahwa ada yang namanya kemacetan lalu lintas dan kecelakaan lalu lintas, yang bisa saja menghalangi mereka bahkan mencegah mereka untuk sampai ke tujuan tepat waktu dan selamat. Maka begitu pula dengan politik, yang sebenarnya begitu familiar dengan aplikasi di kehidupan kita sehari-hari. Ternyata rintangan itu ada dan akan selalu ada. Ini sudah Yaya sadari betul sebelum Yaya berangkat ke Turki, setelah menjalani kurang lebih 8 bulan di Antalya hingga sekarang. Namun seperti yang sudah Yaya sampaikan sebelumnya, Yaya takut jika tantangan ini terlalu mengecewakan untuk kalian jika tidak bisa Yaya tangani dengan baik. Waktu itu pernah Yaya sampaikan pada seorang kakak yang baik hatinya, "Kak, mungkin jika kita hanya hidup untuk diri sendiri dan tidak bertanggung jawab atas kebahagiaan orang lain semuanya akan terasa lebih ringan." Maaf, waktu itu memang sedang labil selabil-labilnya. Tolong ingatkan selalu bahwa ketika kita berjuang untuk orang lain, dengan pencapaian yang baik output nya akan seribu kali bahkan mungkin sejuta kali lebih membahagiakan.

Di agenda harian sudah berlembar-lembar Yaya menulis runtutan-runtutan kegagalan beserta alasannya. Semua kadang Yaya baca dan tempel di lemari pakaian agar bisa dilihat setiap hari. Itu semua Yaya lakukan sebagai motivasi dan reminder agar tidak mengulang kesalahan yang sama. Namun tetap berat rasanya, ketika jauh dari kalian dan kurangnya intensitas komunikasi kita. Rasa nyaman itu...yang tak bisa tergantikan oleh apapun. Rasa aman dan tentram di rumah yang begitu membuat rindu. Ketika runtutan ujian datang pada keluarga kita, seberat apapun itu, jika ada di rumah rasanya semua akan baik-baik saja. Tapi Yaya masih sangat beruntung karena punya Allah, mamak dan bapak. Maka dari itu Yaya mohon restu dan doanya agar tetap kuat disini. Terlebih agar setiap musim panas Yaya bisa pulang dengan membawa kabar gembira...

Terimakasih karena mengajarkan Yaya arti tanggung jawab. Bahwa apa yang Yaya mulai harus diselesaikan. Pada sebuah episode di (katakanlah) sinetron Amerika; Army Wives (tontonan favorit Yaya waktu masih di rumah, hehe) Emmalin pulang ke rumah karena kegagalan bertubi-tubi yang dialaminya di tahun pertama kuliah dan betapa ia merasa kehilangan jati diri. Waktu itu ia berkata pada ayahnya, "Yah, saya sejak kecil tidak terbiasa gagal." Dan ayahnya berkata, "Gagal adalah jika kamu menyerah. Apakah kamu menyerah? Tidak, kamu hanya sedang berjuang. Begitu pula saya..."

Sekali lagi, Yaya tidak ingin apapun melainkan doa dari kalian semua, dan permohonan maaf serta pengertian yang sebesar-besarnya, jika Yaya tidak menyenangkan hati kalian.

Mungkin dapat dimengerti, Yaya termasuk orang yang kaku menyampaikan emosi yang berbau sensitif. Maka jika Yaya hanya mampu menulis, akan Yaya tulis semua. Karena walau jarak kita jauh, hati akan senantiasa dekat.

Sampai jumpa di lain waktu ketika cuaca di Istanbul mulai menghangat, sehangat hati kita semua.

Insya Allah.

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http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/2287190/IMG-20121117-WA000.png http://posterous.com/users/lCIC2EiDPyWP8 Syarifah Suci Armilia armilia Syarifah Suci Armilia
Sat, 05 Jan 2013 23:38:00 -0800 Love Letter http://armilia.posterous.com/love-letter http://armilia.posterous.com/love-letter

Hm.

For the one and only Kakak **** *****.

Shakespeare once said, "What's in a name?"
But yours is different.
I don't know exactly how the form of the difference is,
It captures me.
The wise quoted, "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder."
Please allow me to send the message of beauty to my heart and brain, then.
Yes. People tend to prefer beauty over everything.
But your charisma wins my attention.
I don't really know your voice. I rarely aware of your presence. I don't understand your character.

Let me learn you.

I hope you're awesome.

From your awesome junior. (Oh yea u'll remember me. Hoho.)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This is a love letter I wrote during the orientation of my college life (about 1.5 year ago). Don't know why I feel in need to make it an archive in my blog. Maybe you're familiar with making a love letter for your senior, one of those orientation committees, yea? And one thing I always know about myself is I will end up choosing to write the unconventional letters. Not sure if I want to make it as a joke but I guess I'd like to be remembered in a different way :p

Perhaps I've written 3 love letters so far (for my orientation) and this one is my favorite, not to mention that this one is the only archive I still am keeping, haha!

But no, seriously. I love it because this one was honest and spontaneous. I remember I wrote this within 3 minutes only with the last-minute-submission panic. I know I would like to remember this letter I've written, even if the receiver didn't give a damn about it.

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http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/2287190/IMG-20121117-WA000.png http://posterous.com/users/lCIC2EiDPyWP8 Syarifah Suci Armilia armilia Syarifah Suci Armilia
Thu, 27 Dec 2012 01:54:00 -0800 2012 Highlights http://armilia.posterous.com/2012-highlights http://armilia.posterous.com/2012-highlights

2012 was a big, meaningful year. A lot of things I have achieved and changes I have applied into my life. From the first time I celebrated my birthday away from the country I was born and raised, the first time I strengthen my path for the choice to be a better muslimah, yeah I gotta admit hijab changed my perception towards life so much.

Other things to be highlighted... A hard goodbye for Antalya family, and recently I meet a new family in İstanbul, the first day of my university life in Marmara University, and many more.

One good news about facebook is that the timeline feature that allow us to see and review of what we have done in the past. But facebook is only a part of my smallest part of life. I have a huge regret that I didn't write my personal journal much that I thought I would. Twitter helps a lot when it comes to inner-struggle, where, that seems the only media for me to write any thoughts or feelings I couldn't spell to anybody, though. Yet again, talking about 2012 is bigger than my online agenda (of course because I surf the internet a lot. lol) or my day-dreaming activity through the days and nights.

After all, again, it's about memories and enlightening process.

Among all of the lessons I have learned each day, here are my personal 2012 highlights:

On religion:
Everybody struggles to find their most fundamental inner-peace. Not to mention that I am not a type of so-religious woman but I am willing myself that I will learn to. One beautiful thing about faith is finally you understand that no matter how hard it is to stand on (sometimes) one feet only and nobody is around to pick you up when you're about to fall, you can always rely on God. 2012 have been tough, smashing hardcore problems and all of the discomforts right to my head, yes. However the experiences tell me not to give up on praying and believing. Life is somehow designed to be lived. I believe that God creates the best paths in order to making us to reach the finish line. It's now come back to us if we want to listen or not. Take the path or have another way.

On family:
I am grateful that no one and nothing compelled me to do or to become whatever it is they wish me to, not even my parents. I truly understand that they 'program' me to have a sense of responsibility towards my own life. This is your life, the decision is in your hands, but don't leave the responsible behind. Even so, the massive distance between my family and I now, get me into an understanding. Home is family, family is home. It's painful when I'm not around in the important days while they're always on my back in any time I need it the most. Being present is the best gift you can give to someone. And in this case, my family is the greatest gift I could ask for. And I want to return it in any time I have a chance to.

On friendship:
Who doesn't agree that best friends are priceless? One good reminder from my dearest bestie, Yustina @octifanny : "Much like a (romance) relationship, friendship is also something you have to fight for." I had a hard time adapting to a new environment (in campus, İstanbul, etc). Being a minority is tough. I can't lie I'm facing (yes, until now!) a terrible insecurity that I might be rejected from the society. Taking a quote from Yustina, it makes sense that there's no point sitting down doing nothing when it comes to friendship. When you want to eat, cook something. When you want to have friends, go out, make one!

On achieving dreams and goals:
Dreams do come true. Sometimes don't. And..not being able to express yourself passionately for the feeling of achieving something you want, it does hurt. But I learn, when my goals don't come to reality doesn't mean I have to give up. If it's not the end of my life then it is not the end of my dreams. God speed!

On self-management
Sometimes I can feel that days are tend to be more inducing than exciting. Stressing than enjoying. It's a public secret that problems are crucial because it depends on how we react and handle them. I grow because of problems and thank God for that. We need to have a balance life but there is no such thing as balance all the time. Though in this part I continously learn how to manage myself at my lowest condition, one thing for sure that stress and everything about it is only a state of mind. Just like Coldplay songs, "When you get what you want but not what you need.." yep, sometimes we don't get what we want but what's worse is sometimes we get what we want and then we realize they don't bring much happiness than we guess it would. Now it's essential to understand how and why we're happy. More than that, we also need to feel fulfilled, loving, safe, satisfied, and content. After we realize what makes us feel that way, we should do 'em more often.

On goodbyes
Saying goodbye and being far away from those people whom you love and from the things you used to live with is brutal. When I had to leave high school I came to new environment (President University) and everything starts from the very beginning. Then when I finally felt really, really comfortable I had to leave President University and went to Turkey. I had a hard time in Antalya, and when I could settle down with new friends - family there I had to leave again and now I'm in İstanbul. See? The cycle goes on. People come and go. Good news is, if it's hard at the beginning then it's a good sign. Now, welcome to a new life, new family, new friends, new activity, new experience, and new you.

On life-enjoyment
I only have five sentences for this part. Live the moment. Live the moment. Live the moment. Because, the feeling of building memories and moment is...undescribable. Just be more present in the moment you are in is really the key.

On learning
In order to change the world, first we need to understand it. To understand life and every aspect of it is not easy. It doesn't have certain curriculum but the only thing required is to enjoy the process. And the process itself can never stop. I am confidence to say that to be innovative means to dedicate ourself to become more curious, seeking for the answers and ask questions. The process of learning doesn't have to be in formal education. We can also take advantage by being a smart street learner. One personal reminder, ASK WHY INSTEAD OF HOW.

On horizontal relationship
It's very important to remember that, whatever you do, whatever you achieve and whatever you are up to, there are always help from people. Maybe the help seem to be micro small that we can barely see. But think about this, even when a smile from somebody could help you get through the day, what about their presence to know that you're not alone? Their support helping you to stand? Their jokes that make you laugh? Quoting from Joseph Nye's book, "It's not how many enemies do I kill, it's how many allies do I grow".

On expectations
One big mistake I do through the year is I can't seem to put aside my life in Indonesia while I live here. Living abroad for some people who haven't experienced it yet is imaginary. The fantasy is beautiful. But wait until you're on board. Oh-ho! But now I realize that Indonesia is Indonesia and Turkey is Turkey. Expecting what I think is right to happen is useless in time and energy.

On taking chances
I'm an opportunist. With pride. It's shameful to say that I almost, always say "YES" to every offer and opportunity in front of my eyes. Haha! However, if I hadn't said YES I wouldn't have learned many things about life, and surprisingly also about myself. So, before figuring out (completely) what I really am and really want to do, I will never stop saying YES. :)

On gratitude
Sometimes people forget the small things yet sweat also the small stuffs at the same time. I believe that in every gratitude relies challenge to be faced and, in every challenge relies things to be grateful of. Gratitude is somehow the simplest way to happiness. I too, forget how it is to be grateful when things are just too stressful to be managed. One thing I do, started from the last week of December I tried to write on list 'things to be grateful today' each day on my personal journal. It's much similar to diary though. The only difference is all of the negative forces are forbidden to be written. The impact? There are hundreds of reasons to smile everyday! :)

On love
...This part is still a big mystery to be revealed. :p

I know I can never stop "starting from the zero". Whenever I think I have reached the top, there's a chance life may whisper, "let's start from the very beginning again." It's the cycle of life I can't avoid. The difference is, the weapon I bring for each cycle called experience, is always getting stronger.

Dear life, do I love you because you're beautiful, or are you beautiful because I DO love you? :)

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http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/2287190/IMG-20121117-WA000.png http://posterous.com/users/lCIC2EiDPyWP8 Syarifah Suci Armilia armilia Syarifah Suci Armilia
Thu, 02 Aug 2012 09:47:00 -0700 My Love For Books http://armilia.posterous.com/my-love-for-books http://armilia.posterous.com/my-love-for-books

Dsc01705_1

 

Pertanyaan yang paling menyesakkan setelah saya tiba di Indonesia datang dari keluarga saya, "Who's the love of your life now?"

Dan saya

 bosan menjawab dengan intonasi, ekspresi, senyuman kecil dan jawaban yang sama, "Saya masih single."

Namun bagian terkejam adalah tidak satupun dari mereka memercayai itu. Lalu imajinasi liar orang-orang yang lebih tua dari saya ini mengatakan pacar saya orang Jakarta lah, orang Bandung lah, sampai miris sendiri melihatnya. Entah figur fiktif mana yang mereka bicarakan.

Suka-suka kalian lah.

Oke. Fokus

 ke topik. *dasar-remaja-labil-yang-suka-curcol*

Well, sempat saya berandai, sebuah kata dari pertanyaan diatas yaitu "who" diganti dengan "what", sudah dengan pasti saya akan berteriak keras, "Buku! Kata-kata! Literatur! Sastra!"

Saya juga tidak bisa menjabarkan dengan pasti definisi kata cinta ini. Brilian, satu titel paling pas untuk sebuah buku. Simpel saja, sebuah buku bisa membuat kita berpikir dan berimajinasi secara konkret. Dua orang yang membaca sebuah buku yang sama belum tentu memikirkan dan membayangkan hal yang sama.  Permainan kata yang tercetak sederhana yang bisa mengubah hidup jutaan orang. Seni yang dilahirkan dari dua lembar cerpen atau setengah halaman puisi. Buah pikiran manusia yang diabadikan ke dalam sebuah buku. Dan apresiasi terbesar saya berikan untuk para penulis hebat, yang punya konsistensi untuk menyelesaikan karya yang mampu menciptakan seribu dunia bagi seribu pembaca. :)

Kecintaan saya terhadap buku dan dunia membaca-menulis-berpikir timbul pertama kali saat saya membaca serial Harry Potter. Dulu saya hidup sebagai anak ingusan yang hobinya nonton sinetron Jin dan Jun, Tuyul dan Mbak Yul, Jinny oh Jinny, dan sebagainya. Semenjak saya mengenal benda ajaib berbentuk balok berbobot kurang dari 1 kg ini, barulah saya sadar ternyata selama itu saya hidup dalam dunia yang sempit, pengap, tak berwarna. Sejak saat itu, setiap pergi ke toko buku saya seperti orang yang kesetanan. Mendadak toko buku menjadi surga kedua setelah kamar tidur saya. Kemanapun saya pergi, saya selalu mencari toko buku terdekat untuk disinggahi. Hanya melihat mereka tersusun rapi di rak dan mencium bau kertasnya saja sudah membuat saya senang, seperti ada energi positif yang menggerogoti tubuh saya secara instan. Kemudian saya terobsesi untuk mengoleksi banyak sekali buku. Saya memang tidak punya list khusus genre buku favorit saya. Seringkali saya membeli berdasarkan rekomendasi teman, membaca rekomendasi yang ditulis banyak orang atau melihat label "best-seller" tertempel di buku-buku itu. Hingga sekarang, kamar tidur saya memang penuh sesak dengan buku. It used to me happy, until I realized I haven't got any chance to have them finished. Why do I buy books that I don't read?

Suatu hari, saya tak sengaja membaca sebuah kutipan dari Haruki Murakami, seorang novelist asal jepang yang telah menulis banyak best-selling novel, "If you only read the books that everyone else is reading, you can only think what everyone else is thinking."

Saya terdiam sejenak dan mencoba menelaah kalimat itu.

Selama ini saya membeli buku berdasarkan apa yang orang rekomendasikan. Selama ini saya tergoda dengan hasil produk marketing berlabel "best-seller". Ternyata semua itu tidak menggambarkan pribadi saya yang sebenarnya dalam membaca. Saya sadar buku-buku favorit yang telah saya baca berulang-ulang sebagian besar bukanlah dari rak best-seller, walaupun banyak juga yang berasal dari situ. Buku-buku favorit saya sebagian besar adalah buku-buku yang benar-benar ingin saya ketahui isinya bahkan ketika belum saya bayar. Karena menurut saya semua buku itu bagus, kelebihan yang dipunyai buku yang tidak terlalu banyak dibahas orang adalah ketika saya merasa "berbeda" karena telah membaca sesuatu yang tidak orang banyak baca. I feel rich and nurtured. I realized that people should not tell me what I must read. I should've concerned more about what I want to read instead. Since then, I never read any recommendation and spend more time in bookstore to really decide which books I'm going to buy. :)

 

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http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/2287190/IMG-20121117-WA000.png http://posterous.com/users/lCIC2EiDPyWP8 Syarifah Suci Armilia armilia Syarifah Suci Armilia
Mon, 14 May 2012 12:13:00 -0700 Dream http://armilia.posterous.com/dream http://armilia.posterous.com/dream

I know it was not my common topic to talk, or not even my cup of tea that I used to drink, but not today.

Yes, so for those of you who "know" me, it is right if you guess it's not about dream the sibling of goals and aims.

Surprisingly it is about dream that we usually have at night, when we sleep.

-----------------------

What do you believe about dream?

Lately I've been dreaming about the same person. It annoys me with the fact my sleepy unconsciousness that hits me when I'm totally awake, simply said that I do not know the reason behind this. I'm accurately sure I didn't imagine this person before I slept, but there (s)he was keep approaching me in my dreams with the same condition, different story.

Do you believe it as a sign God might send to you?

So What do I believe about dream?

Actually not really a strong belief equals to what I believe in this life, I have heard that you'll dream what you really want to see, or you'll dream what you hardly think before you fall asleep. I have proven this theory myself, long before this very day.

Long time before I knew I was sure about continuing my studies to Turkey, I've dreamed about this pretty often. Eventhough most of them were not that clear (of course, that's why you name it dreams -_-), strangely after I woke up it's like I were receiving a message that I strongly believe I should do. And here I am.

One more annoying fact, these dreams were seem to be more real, or seem to be felt real.

...

I am still thinking about some probabilities. I know it is something that could lift your eyebrow with a synical face. But yes, it annoys me so much that I spent my time only to blog this. 

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http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/2287190/IMG-20121117-WA000.png http://posterous.com/users/lCIC2EiDPyWP8 Syarifah Suci Armilia armilia Syarifah Suci Armilia
Mon, 26 Mar 2012 01:22:00 -0700 Kau yang Disana http://armilia.posterous.com/kau-yang-disana http://armilia.posterous.com/kau-yang-disana

Selamat malam yang di sana. Bila sekarang kau lebih memilih untuk berdiri di tanah tak bertuan. Padaku pun menjadi misteri. Maka mulut ini juga tak bisa berucap apa. Sampai jumpa di lain waktu, ketika semua lebih dari cukup untuk menunggu. Kau yang disana.

Selamat malam yang disana. Kau yang hanya bisa kusapa dengan isyarat tanpa kata. Walau kau memilih untuk tiada...aku disini melihat dari apa yang kita sebut sederhana. Pada angin hanya bisa merasa. Pada air hanya bisa basah. Apa adanya.
Kau yang disana.

Selamat malam, kau yang disana. Padukah bila mata terbuka tapi tak bisa melihat jua? Jika harus ku ulur tali abu, melangkah kecil-kecil sambil memegang tali abu. Tapi kepada apa aku bisa menuju?

 

Armilia, 23, 24, 25 Maret 2012

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http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/2287190/IMG-20121117-WA000.png http://posterous.com/users/lCIC2EiDPyWP8 Syarifah Suci Armilia armilia Syarifah Suci Armilia
Fri, 23 Mar 2012 12:41:00 -0700 Elegi Melankoli http://armilia.posterous.com/elegi-melankoli http://armilia.posterous.com/elegi-melankoli

Pagi-pagi sekali, sewaktu mata masih setengah terbuka kami menyantap roti dan keju. Menu sarapan yang maknanya lebih dari sekedar tradisi orang Turki. Lebih dari sekedar bubur atau nasi goreng untuk orang Indonesia, karena tidak setiap hari kita menyantap menu sama, kan? Biar mata enggan untuk sepenuhnya sadar, kali ini kucoba membuka telinga, mendengar penuh perhatian tiap kata dari mulut mereka.

"Sudah lima bulan kamu disini, Yaya. Tapi kami tidak pernah melihatmu menangis. Tidakkah kamu kangen Indonesia?"

Walaupun saya harus menangis kataku, tidak akan rela menangis di depan kalian, aku menjawab. Cukup dalam hati.

Tapi sejujurnya saya sudah lupa kapan terakhir kali saya menangis karena kangen rumah.

Kalau hampir nangis karena kangen rumah saya belum lupa.

Barusan.

Entah saya yang terlalu sensitif, tapi rasanya pertanyaan tentang rumah, tentang bapak ibu terlalu berlebihan untuk ditanyakan dengan kalimat sama. Mengandung kata "kangen".

"YAIYALAH!" saya kepengen menjawab sambil teriak rasanya.

Sejujurnya saya senang disini. Semua saya coba nikmati dengan pikiran positif. Biarlah sebenarnya homesick, tapi kalaupun saya bisa pulang, saya tetap akan mengatakan saya senang disini. Biarlah ini semacam dosa atau sebuah perasaan tidak pantas dari seorang manusia. Siapa peduli?

Bukan berarti saya tidak kangen. Saya kangen.

Hanya saja misi tidak bisa ditinggalkan kalau belum selesai.

Kadang saya tidak sabar menunggu besok. Karena terlalu lelah rasanya hari ini memikul semuasendiri. Biarlah energi hari ini habis, masih ada esok untuk mengisi energi lagi.  Jika besok sudah datang, saya tidak sabar menunggu lusa. Kemudian penasaran apakah tawa ini masih bisa dibagi.

Saya kira masih. Buktinya saya senang.

Saya tahu, saya tidak sendiri. Teori "Misery loves company" pun agaknya sudah bisa saya buktikan ke-sahih-an nya. Terkadang, saya mengunjungi teman berbeda bangsa yang sama-sama memikul nasib tak jauh berbeda. Kami tidak bercerita banyak tentang masing-masing negara atau keluarga kami. Kami hanya tertawa, dan bersenang-senang.

Sesuatu yang rasanya sangat mudah untuk dibagi, walaupun kadang kami susah untuk mengerti satu sama lain. Kultur, bahasa, dan dialek yang berbeda. Semua serba berbeda. Tapi kami berlatar belakang sama, sama-sama merantau di negeri orang.

Dan itu sudah lebih dari cukup untuk menjadikan kami keluarga. Tanpa formalitas apa-apa. Lebih dari cukup untuk kami mengerti satu sama lain bahkan tanpa kata apa-apa. Karena kami sama.

Latar belakang itu, satu hal yang membuat saya tidak bisa berbagi dengan rakyat native sini. Karena bagaimanapun juga, mereka tidak akan mengerti dan tidak akan pernah mengerti.

Saya juga tidak bisa menuntut lebih. Bukan salah siapa-siapa.

"Another aeroplane
Another sunny place
I’m lucky, I know
But I wanna go home..."

Michael Buble - Home

 

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http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/2287190/IMG-20121117-WA000.png http://posterous.com/users/lCIC2EiDPyWP8 Syarifah Suci Armilia armilia Syarifah Suci Armilia
Wed, 21 Mar 2012 16:52:00 -0700 What Giving is About http://armilia.posterous.com/what-giving-is-about http://armilia.posterous.com/what-giving-is-about

I ever wrote in my facebook status once, "I don't wanna be remembered because of my kindness, I wanna be remembered because of my influential attitudes that help those to have a positive change in their life."

We all know one classic thing, happiness is when we're able to give those who need, in that case happiness will seem to be doubled by feeling the happy atmosphere around us. When I was a kid my teacher and my parents didn't stop trying to make me a good kid, well I believe that every parents act the same way tho. The point is that, being kind is yet to be one of the most essential part of moral learning. But at that time, when I was still a little kid I never knew what was the bliss behind the wisdom. As I grew older, as I met a lot of people and did a huge amount of stuffs, I set the bar of an understanding. Giving is not about losing something that we have, but it's more about earning the additional value, the virtue. It's one of the self-fulfillment and also a chance to look back at what we have done. For me personally, giving is not something I should do but it is something that I need to do.

But in my definition of giving is not always about money or material things that have a price tag on 'em. I will gladly admit that giving is more about positive attitude. Sometimes I just wish there are people who I could lean on to, who could share his/her ups and downs. That is why I wanna be someone in the same way.

I'm not a philosopher, I'm not Jengiz Han nor Martin Luther King Jr. nor Oprah Winfrey. I don't do a big influence to an enormous human race. Yet deep in my heart I want to go step forward with those people around me. I never want to go alone and leave people behind.

So yes, this is my philosophy of giving and receiving. :)

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http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/2287190/IMG-20121117-WA000.png http://posterous.com/users/lCIC2EiDPyWP8 Syarifah Suci Armilia armilia Syarifah Suci Armilia
Wed, 21 Mar 2012 01:21:00 -0700 The Lost Passion http://armilia.posterous.com/the-lost-passion http://armilia.posterous.com/the-lost-passion

Let me catch a breath first.

...

This is somehow the first time I began to write since the last time I wrote something in my blogspot. I am arousing sadness for the empty posts. I feel a big guilty of being preoccupied with the lost routines I have for the last few years...

I adore words and I love playing with words. I love books and I love the curiosity that keeps me hunger to have more and more.This was, and frankly is still my passion. But There I go, lately I find it really fun socializing with people. I yield random thoughts I couldn't put into words. And this is something pathetic. I am lost in my own world and couldn't go back on my stand. Some of friends I have, before I went to Turkey they reminded me to keep writing. They wanted me to produce something, and I have failed fulfilled their longing.

To be or not to be. I am an almost failed writer, yes. There was a moment when I stand by my feet, looked around and I saw people with their own talent. Something they have based on their passion and the effort. The effort. The effort. I realized I have gone too far, looking for my interest, doing something new and finding a complete me. But I forget where I was supposed to be. I grasped my own hand and started to realize I have been walking on a wrong path. Well, maybe not that wrong but something was going wrong. That something, little something I have been missing and denying myself. My passion to be a writer and to publish a book.

These 3 days I spent quite a lot of time to read some people's blogs. Funny, I started to adore their writings, mostly because of the commitments that they have successfully put into their writing routines. I am drowned and jealous at the same time. If I have feet to run, why can't I run, I thought? that's a confusement I find accompanying me every second. If I have the interest to write, so why don't I write?

Two days ago I told one of my bestfriends that I am working on a book of mine and I hope I'm serious about it. I love her advice, the first step is always be the hardest. So I'm betting myself that I have to start. I made a new account as the sign of my re-born soul in the sense of writing.

I hope everything is going well. I hate and love uncertainity, the sense of adventure yet I can never be sure the end of my journey.

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http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/2287190/IMG-20121117-WA000.png http://posterous.com/users/lCIC2EiDPyWP8 Syarifah Suci Armilia armilia Syarifah Suci Armilia